I'm happy. I'm extremely happy, and that's all you need to know.

Actually I'll give you a clue to why I'm happy: Glen.

What you make of this, what you think about it, is only limited to your imagination's vastness and what you are willing to imagine.

But the point in, I'm happy.

Mmm...Better beware of me lately. For some reason I've been extra bitchy? Oh, that's right selfish >_>; Yep. I'm a selfish bitch. And the problem is, I don't realise when I do it, till after. Ugh. I don't know. Sorry in advance if I...yell, act selfish or anything that can be classified as rude behaviour.

Ugh. >__>; Things are getting better in life, slowly. Yes, progression.

Did I ever mention I hate change? I'm definitely not looking forward to the move. We have till the 1st of July, which is in like...two weeks, to find a house...And pack...And sell all our furniture. I'm not exactly sure what my parents are thinking of doing. >__>: I know they are really keen on the houses in Berwick, and they applied for two, but there is no answer, and I don't think we will get it seeing as we have two dogs. Otherwise they plan to move to Dandenong North? Or Mulgrave. Or Noble Park North. Or Springvale South. Or Narre Warren (best option yet IMO..hell, why not buy the house down Glen's street :D). But where ever we move, it means change. And honestly, I hate change. No more school bus; which means no more David, Bianca, Nicole...No more sitting at the back in my rightful spot and getting pissed at Scaffy when he sits there. No more staring at those two little bitches that think they rule the bus....(that's me and nicole, not them xD). And most of all, not walking home with David =[. I don't care if David is going to be affected by this, but I will. =[. Oh, did I mention it will also be further away from Glen? And Christine? >___>;


Shit. I hate life. But at least my parents are easing up on me, thanks to Sharon and Al..and Glen<3.


Hrm....^____^; Things are good with Glen. Much better. Of course, arguements, but he's changing and I'm changing....And it's scary but I really do like him. Like...heaps...Love perhaps. ><;; All I know is that he makes me happy   =D


I sorta screwed his birthday though >__>;


Fuck. I'm off. Before I bitch at more people.

Yes. Everyone realises it. Why? Because I'm not subtle..and emotions are always..displayed with me.


Yes blah blah Glen blah blah....


Happy? >_>; I AM :D


PING PONG IS THE BEST SPORT >_>;


*cough* Like my new layout? I do. Thanks Sue. I love you heaps......even if you do stare at me with his foot between my knees

"Tanika...Can you stop walking? I feel like a stalker"

>_>;   LOL!!


"I tried so hard to not walk away
And when things don't go my way
I'll still carry on and on just the same
I've always been strong
But can't make this happen
'Cause I need to breathe, I want to breathe you in
The fear of becoming
I'm so tired of running
'Cause I need to breathe, I want to breath you in
I want to breathe you in"

I hate guys.

No. I hate guys.

No. In fact. I HATE guys.


I hate big-mouthed losers, who  try to get revenge.


I hate losers. Losers. Losers.


And I don't know whether to hate David for telling me, or for not saying something sooner and go on knowing something like this.
How can he still look at me the same. Even I am disgusted with myself.

I think I will avoid him now. It's too shameful to see him.

I hate guys.


I hate the Deb too. Stupid Deb. Why was it invented? To cause controversy, that's why.

I hate guys.

I hate myself too.

 Why are parents so utterly CONFUSING~! Honestly. My mum is like, the definition of contradictory and hypocrite. There will be moments she will say "You are sixteen! You're not a child anymore, so stop acting like one...your an adult but you still act like a three year old...your sixteen now, almost an adult, you have to be tidy and behave." And then right on top of that she will come out and say "No, you're not old enough to know...you're not old enough to understand...you're a child, don't interfere with adult's things." And it just frustrates me. Things she won't tell me, what, because I'm too young? And then she goes and tells me things that a kid, or even just a daughter/son shouldn't hear. Things that, honestly, should be left in the dark. Obviously this isn't making sense at the moment, so how about I start from the start :D

After school on Tuesday my mother picked me up so I could go with her to the physiotherapy session (not because I think the physio is cute >_<; as she says). And this seemed to be one of those rare days when we were getting along...as in we were laughing and joking and TALKING, I dare say. And so on upon getting in the lift after the session, she pulls her hair over her face. O_O. I'm serious. She just randomly pulls all her hair over her face and stares at me T.T; It was the scariest thing I have ever seen. Ever heard of cousin It? That's who she reminded me of. Anyway. So I said "I'd laugh if you went out like that"...which she took as a challenge. "Wanna bet? How much will I get if I do?" So we agreed on twenty bucks, and so when the lift doors opened she pulled her hair over her face. Now, were the lift is, there is a wall in front of it and then a little doorway on the side, so on the other side it looks like..well, it's hard to describe. You know how on catwalks it has the wall and the models come out from behind that wall? It's like that.  So she has a few steps to go before she turns the corner and walks into the waiting room full of people. And we agreed that she would walk to the front doors before she could stop. And it was....well, there's no words to describe it. Hilarious. Absolute crack. The people (receptionist included) stared at her as if she was literally crazy. They were probably thinking 'is this a hospital or a mental ward?'. And I was behind my mum pissing my pants laughing. And she just walked straight to the door and then walked out. Like that. No hesitation O_O. Strange woman. And then we looked at each other and cracked up laughing.

Anyway, that was just some pointless piece of humor for you. What I'm really talking about happened in the car. She was talking about me being tidier, etc..And how men, no matter how much they love you, will leave you if your not tidy. And so what does she do? Starts talking about my real mum (because apparently my whole family, being my real mum and my sisters, are slobs who don't bother to clean T.T;) being messy and never cleaning. She told me that before she and my dad...well...-I don't think my step-mum and dad ever really 'dated'-so, before they got married, that my she was at home and my daddy got really drunk. As in he was sitting in the hallway in his underwear drunk. And he was like "I have to pick Stephanie up" (Stephanie is my step-mum's name) And she was like "Stephanie is here" but my dad kept saying "I have to pick Stephanie up." Then he started -crying?- and talking about my real mum. He told my step-mum that one day he came home from work and asked my mum if she could clean the house, and my mum got angry, went to her room and wouldn't talk to him. And so everyday, for a month, when my dad came home she would go into the room and not talk to him. According to what my step-mum tells me, my dad admitted to saying something along the lines of 'if it weren't for Tanika, I would have left Jenny [my real mum]'.
Yes. And you would tell your child, whose mother is deceased, something like that about her parents because? <s>Is she fucking stupid or just unaware of other people's emotions? </s> It hurt so much to hear something like this, that I went from laughing to silently crying in the car. And of course I didn't want my <s>stupid</s> step-mum to see, so I pretended to be looking out the window.
It hurt so much to think that, had I not been born, my dad would have abandoned my mum. And (of course he didn't know then) but she would have to suffer and die alone? It's just...hard to think of. I mean, I hear alot of things from my step-mum about my real mum, stuff that doesn't put my mum in good light, but I never really regarded it, because all I remember is my mum being loving, funny and--actually, that's a lie. I don't remember all that much about my mum. I just remember certain things. Things that I'm either told that brings back the actual memory (because if I wasn't told, I doubt I would have remembered) or things that I do remember.
I guess the only REAL images of my mum that I have are of her during that bad times =(. Of her...during her..illness? *Sigh*.
When I got home, my dad was laughing and talking to us, but I just couldn't look at my dad the same. And I don't think I can look at my dad the same now.

...Okay. My bad for dumping this on you.

Yes. I know I haven't posted in AGES, but now is a good time to remenisce. It should start with Bonita's Birthday :D

It was such a good day ^^ I was sooo happy to be invited. LOL! And I'm really sorry to Rashidah and Rortos whom I didn't pick up on the way even though I saw them walking and they got soooo tired. I honestly didn't think it would be that long a walk, and I thought you guys could do with some exercise xD :D There wasn't that much food at Bonita's, but what was there was goooooood ^^

As soon as I walked in the door, I was greeted by Bonita's cousin..Whom..err..I have never met before. So I have NO idea how she knew who I was, but at least I knew I wasn't at the wrong place ^^. The other thing was, she kept taking photo's of me while I was eating, and of my arse somehow Oo;. Slightly perverted, but thank you. I hoped Bonita liked mine and Sue's present ^^ And the present openings was good to watch :D Yes. I took MANY photos. Most that you guys didn't approve of :D.  Thank you HEAPS for inviting me Bonita. I had soo much fun at your party.

Then Nena's party. At first i wasn't sure that I could go, seeing as it was after Jap school. But I eventually went anyway even though I came late and there wasn't much food left (you pigs =]). Okay. For some reason we ended up playing FortyForty? Oo: Come on. Own up. Who's bright idea was that? Lol. It ended in disaster as no one could figure out which tree was base Oo: (the one in the middle). I ended up being SO embarrased, thanks to Somally, who kept pointing out Nena's brother to me v__v'. Lol. Once again, I'm glad I was invited and I had a great time, and I hope Nena liked the presents, even if I wasn't there to watch her open them :D

Swimming Carnival was fun too ^^ There was SOO much food, and if you don't believe me, just ask Peng. :D Btw, how black did you end up getting Peng? Lol. It was a beautiful day, and we saw a few people compete and win like the champions they are, and some people drown (*cough sergie cough*) but good on them for trying. Even though I was the only girl to get into the pool (Jesie doesn't count as a girl) it was still fun. I got alot of water up my nose (thanks Glen, Kevin and Sergie....and Farhin), and YES I dunked you Glen. Don't deny it. Your face was HALF in the water, so that constitutes as getting dunked :D. It ended with me competing for Green House in the relay, even though I said I wouldn't compete. Yes.. Sorry to betray you Red. But I'm told (even though NO ONE came to support me) I looked like I was going crazy swimming. But we came third anyway.........err....out of three competitors ^_^:

Finally, my birthday. I'm sorry there was so much confusion because my mum made me cancel it a few days, then said it was back on, but to those who came, I'm really glad you did. I know it wasn't the funnest birthday ever, especially with the few of us, but you guys made it special either way. Lol. Glen, Rortos, there's still so much food left, you didn't help me finish it. :D. The presents (even though only two) were amazing. Lol. I think the funniest thing I have ever gotten in my life would have to be what Nena and Bonita bought me. A teddy bear wearing a G-String that was meant for me xD. That's so adorable and I loved it. And the ring is beautiful too. I'm really so happy. And Sue and David, thank you SOO much for the bag, I loved it HEAPS. I've been wanting a new bag forever and you just made it happen. Really. I'm soo glad you came. Thanks Rortos. I didn't think you would come, but you did and that made me happy ^^. I'm really sorry Peng, Kevin, Chong, Julie and Somally didn't come, but that's okay ^^;. David and Bonita, thanks for staying with me after the party, even if it did get really boring :D

All in all, I had a great day and I'm glad my party went ahead...

Oh, and by the way. Glen, your bike is horrible I tell you. I have bruises everywhere and my arse hurts...and I crashed into a tree V__V: :D


Thank you allllllll :D

Sushi~!! Thanks for being such a good friend. And you  too Bonita and  Nena.       

I know Susie probably hates my, especially over the holidays because I haven't fulfilled my duty of being a loyal and respectful fangirl, but have done the ultimate wrong in spending time on MySpace. Therefore creating the poorly advertised image of a TB. =( And I have to agree. I think I'm turning into somewhat of a TB. I mean, I'm not full on like *coughmymycough* some people. I don't have all the little anime backgrounds and glittery headings and webcamming pics where I look up out of my fringe in an "innocent" pose (although I must admit to taking some webcammy pics of me...but that's just me looking stupid =D ). No. Infact, my myspace space my space space myspace my. Sorry, had to do that. No, but my myspace is kinda emo-ish. It's not as bad as some people's. But it IS slightly emo. Anyway, I have become seriously obsessed with "pimping" my profile and "whoring" my myspace. I have even whored it up for my friends, and made an account for another friend. =O ....wait, I just remember..~glares JULIE HAS A MYSPACE!!!! =D See, you don't have to be TB to have a myspace...

But one thing has interested me in myspace. There happens to be a girl, best friend of Kimji, who happens to have a certain dislike for me because I happened to mention that she comments him alot. And soo, well..It's not pretty...    

www.myspace.com/kimjiisz   <--- for a preview. 

In other news, there's a girl on YouTube creating a HUGE disturbance with her verbal diahorrea. Seriosuly. She is tre feminist and very very...well..kinda random. Her sentences don't quick make sense. Oo" She has a bit of a problem. Me and my freind have done some stalking on her, found out that she has been banned from several sites due to her anger and "verbal diahorrea" and that she is something like 14, but very well educated for her age. We have also come to the conclusion that she was abandoned by her father because 1)  her dad raped her. 2) her mum was fat or 3) he couldn't stand her mental diahorrea each morning.  To see what I'm talking about, check it out xDD. Just skip all the others, but read the comments with her. She is "shadowsadist" and my freind is "tailowenchsomethingsomething" I have NO idea what my freind's nick is..OO" It's so long and non-english xD. You'll know who it is =D 
http://www.youtube.com/comment_servlet?all_comments&v=mCwKbUVyHLY&fromurl=/watch%3Fv%3DmCwKbUVyHLY

Anyway. That is all.

Hey.. I tried to write a one shot sasunaru..kinda sucks but meh.. xD i tried



He looked up at the sky. It had been so long since he had time to himself like this. Getting to be alone had become harder these days, but that was fine with him. It stopped the bad feelings. Well, he thought it stopped the bad feelings, but really it only stopped him from dwelling on them.
These days he spent most of his time with the rest of Team 7; whether it was a mission, training, or just hanging out. Which is why these feelings, when thinking of them, hit him so hard.
[They still look at me. They look at me with hatred; with fear; with anger. Everyone. I’m by myself, always. Even with someone else, I am still alone.]
He sighed and lay back on the fresh, green grass, his hands famously behind his head. He turned his head to the side and breathed deep. The smell of freshly mowed grass, dirt and a smell that only existed in Konoha filled his nostrils and tingled his senses. But there was something wrong with that tingle.
[I don’t belong here.]
He squeezed his eyes tight and tossed his head from side to side, trying to escape his thoughts.
NO! I do belong here! I have friends now. People care for me. I am part of a team.
His conscious snickered.
[They pretend. They don’t care. Has Sakura ever looked at me as she does Sasuke? Has Sasuke ever been somewhat civilized to me? Look again.]
He slapped his cheek. He knew that something was wrong with him and Sasuke lately, but THAT was not it. Sasuke did NOT treat him as an outsider. None of Team 7 did. But he just couldn’t seem to place what was wrong between him and the stoic boy. He thought over possibilities.
It began last week. They were training in the grounds. Naruto was happily resting against a tree as Sakura asked Sasuke to help her tai-jutsu. He stared at them both, evilly thinking of ways to annoy the Uchiha.

Sasuke was lost in his thoughts, teaching her movements seemed to come out of him as if he were programmed to do it.
He knew that no one affected him this way. No one could make him this happy, yet this sad at the same time. It was true, Sasuke had grown a bond (if you could call verbally – and physically on the occasion – abusing each other a bond) with the blonde haired shinobi, but that bond had become something different recently. Sasuke didn’t know what it was, but it made him feel too weird to pursue it. And so he decided to approach it the Sasuke way: have no emotion; act like an emotionless, uncaring ninja.
He smiled. Yes, that’s right; I am emotionless besides the anger.
He thought just for good measure that it may be best if he... umm... dodged the blonde for a while. At least to the warm sensation in the bottom of his stomach wore off.

“ANOTHER BOWL,” yelled the loud blonde, the two people on either side of him rolling their eyes.
It had become almost custom to go to the Ichiruka stand after training together. Naruto liked to think of it as a treat after being bothered to get his ass up to watch Sasuke beat the living daylights out a wooden pole.
“Naruto-kun, you should really slow down, ne? You have to give time for your food to be swallowed or you’ll end up choking,” Sakura chided at the boy.
“Haiiii, Sakura-chhan,” he grinned back, spraying bits of chicken and soup in her face at the same time. She wiped her face with the back of her hand, rolled her eyes and went back to muttering under her breath why she was stuck with such a pig for a team mate, which then turned into strategically planning ways to win Sasuke’s love.
Naruto giggled to himself. Now was the best time. He was going to scare the crap out of Sasuke.
“Saasssukkke-kuun. Do you believe in magic??”
“Hn.” Sasuke mentally sweatdropped. He was going to have to participate in a whole conversation about a child’s topic. Forget the topic; he was going to have to talk to Naruto.
Naruto leaned closer to the pale boy, his eyes alight and his blonde hair radiating.
“Because I think that you and I...are m-a-g-ick,” he purred, pronouncing each syllable.
He saw Sasuke shudder and congratulated himself.
Oblivious he was to the dark eyes now staring into his face as he went back to eating his fifth bowl of ramen.

“Hrm,” he thought. “Maybe he really is scared of me now.” Naruto opened his eyes. He knew that wasn’t it, but he forced himself to believe that it was for now. At least it was better than not belonging.

Naruto was in his kitchen, preparing for the team-night dinner. It was his turn to cook and host the team dinner and he was trying his hardest not to screw it up like last time. He stopped his knife midway and recalled back to a few months ago:
It was the first time they were holding the dinner at his house (the idea had only just been introduced by Sakura, and the dinner had been held at her house the week before) and he decided he would cook. He cooked the rice and got the ingredients, fired up to make a nice plate of sushi to be an entrée to the crab dish. This was the first time he ever cooked (ramen was always soo much easier; who needed to cook when they could eat ramen) and he had complete confidence in himself. That was until the rice exploded…exploded on the table in front of his darling Sakura-chan, who ended up taking most of the hit. From then on team-dinners were only ever held at Sakura’s and Sasuke’s house. But they had finally relented after the incessant begging and gave him one last chance to get things right in hosting the dinner.

“DO IT NOW! You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel.” He pulled the chicken out of the oven and cursed as he burnt his hand on the hot plate.
“So put your hand down my pants and I’ll bet you’ll feel nuts,” he sang, his head bobbing.

That had done it. Sasuke – watching the blonde juggling food, his tongue poking out the side in concentration, the sweat glistening on his forehead, the lyrics to this goddamn song (he would have to hunt whoever wrote it down and kill/congratulate them later) – popped. He didn’t know what was happening, or what was going to happen, but everything happened out of instinct and nature. Yes, his predatory nature kicked in and he pounced on the startled Naruto with a serious, hungry look in his eyes.

Naruto screamed like a little girl. It wasn’t because he was caught off guard by Sasuke’s appearance; of course he knew he was there, but by the look in Sasuke’s eyes as he mauled the tanned boy’s clothes.

“Whhaa...” A face was in his. Lips on his. Sasuke’s tongue was sliding over his own, making patterns. The blue eyes widened.
“Sasuke-teme, get off me!” cried Naruto as he tried to squirm out of Sasuke’s iron grip.

“I do...” Said Sasuke in the boy’s ear, making him shiver.

“You do….what?” Naruto hesitantly whispered back. Suddenly the black haired boy pushed Naruto around and pulled down him pants.

Right before he made the boy moan in pain and ecstasy he whispered on the back of Naruto’s neck, “I do believe in magic.”

The plate smashed and Sakura ran out the door screaming.